Finally, PHN is over. And you'd think I'd go home and celebrate. No no no. 
This is how it all went down. 


Went to the library the day before it was due, stayed there till about 7pm. Went home, had dinner. Ate in literally 10 mins. Continued to do assignment. 5am - finally went to bed. Yeah, I know. My plan to finish it by midnight failed epicly. 


Got up the next day at 7am, accompanied a friend to uni. It was his first time so didn't want him to get lost. Went to watch some 4th year major case presentation to get an idea of what next year brings and simultaneously scare myself about how much information I need to know in less than a year. 


Went with the girls to Footscray for our cooking class. Barely survived through that. Went to have a coffee with one of the girls in the city after. Went home. Had dinner. Sat in front of TV. Fell asleep on Mich's chair. Woke up. Washed plate. Went to room to talk to Aisha, fell asleep at 10pm. Shocking. Parents called at 11, no idea what I said or what they said. Replacement call morning after. 


And you'd think, you'd think, after all that, I could breathe a little. You're wrong! Another due in a couple of days, 2 due next week. 3 reflections due at the end of may and a huge one due on the 31st. Then...exams on the 21st. 


Dubai, you'll never know how much I want to get to you. 
I hope everyone else's May goes better. 

DIE PHN DIE! 
Stupid ass assignment for Public Health Nutrition has taken over my life. The past few days I've woken up in the middle of the night several times panicking. Literally. I would wake up experiencing what seems to be a combination of panic and anxiety attacks! And when I'd be falling asleep or half asleep, that's all that I can think and then my brain refuses to sleep. 


STOOOOOPID ASSIGNMENT! It's unreal how much research and work needs to be done for this thing. 
Who would have ever thought that inanimate objects could take such control and exert such fear and panic into us. That we are willing to stress, do copious amounts of work and sacrifice sleep for a piece of paper with a grade on it. 


IT SHALL BE FINISHED TODAY! I refuse to do it past midnight tonight! REFUSE! 


Okay. Back to it then *sigh*

Yesterday in an effort to finish up one of the largest assignments I have ever had, I stayed back at the library after class until the boys were finished with their football training. I was exhausted, my head was hurting, I was hungry, I was drenched from the rain, freezing my ass off and truly believed nothing could happen to make my day better. And just as I was about to rip apart my laptop, I remembered that someone had their TV interview the night before. So I went to the TV channel's facebook page to read about the interview.


When I got to the page, there was an update about the show. It wasn't complete so I followed the link to finish reading about the experience that I so badly wanted to be there for. When the page opened, I literally jumped in my chair and have never in my life tried so hard not to squeal. I didn't think it would be appropriate to be squealing and jumping around in a library. Want to know why?


Because when the page opened, not only was the end of the article there. But there was a video of the show!!!!
Imagine my excitement! My heart skipped a beat! It literally made my day. I was so upset that all my friends in Dubai went together to watch the showing and to be able to watch it now, to be able to watch his first time interviewed on TV. Interviewed about something he's worked so hard for and so passionate about. The level of happiness I felt at that moment was indescribable!


For all of the video, I sat at the cubicle smiling deliriously, looking like a complete fool and truly thankful for the walls of the cubicle protecting me from the other people in the library. I couldn't scream or laugh or call people and share the excitement! So instead, I went online and virtual screamed to him.


I'm so proud of you.You've sacrificed so much for this. I know this more than anyone. I know the stress you've been under. I know how much you've worked for this. This is the first of many many times that you can prove those people wrong. Those people who didn't believe in you. People who should have stood by you and instead turned the other way.


So to you, CONGRATULATIONS! I can't wait to get back and re-celebrate with you! I'm so proud of you babe.

Trust. To have faith in others and to believe them. 


That's what wikipedia defines. Such a simple word, such a simple meaning. What it doesn't tell you about are all the other things that go along with the word trust. It's really not a simple thing to do. It needs to be earned. It needs to be maintained. It can be broken with one small action. Of course there are different levels of trust but the minute you say you trust someone, you've created a bond. Of course, there are different levels of trust. But you expect certain things from that person regardless.


You expect them to have your back, you expect them to keep secret things that you tell them, you expect them to be there for you, you expect them to tell you things upfront, you expect them to be more than just an acquaintance. You believe the words they tell you. The promises. With some people, you can easily say you put your life in their hands. You know that no matter what, they will stick to their word. That's what trust is. 


Seems simple enough right? Sure. When you first trust someone, it may come easy. It may be something that just comes naturally. But the minute they screw that up, the minute they decide that bond is not as important as it used to be, the minute they forget what it means, that's when everything turns messy. All the definitions in the world don't tell you about the emotional baggage one carries to 'trust'. The hurt, the betrayal, the disappointment. No one ever mentions that. And yet, that's all you can think about, all you can feel. 


And once that bond has been broken once, it take so much work and so much time to get it back. A lot of the time, you can never trust that person fully. Ever again. So don't screw it up. Don't give that bond an opportunity to fall apart.