A silver lining

Went to the beach today. With the family and Kak Rayne & co. Crap loads of fun. Went for a ride on the swings, haven't done that in a while. Today was probably the first chilled out day by the beach I've had. Made me quite happy.

The past few weeks, I've been going through abit of an emotional rollercoaster. I've learned alot even though the whole experience isn't something I'd like to repeat. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship with someone [not just the lovey kind, im talking about any kind of relationship - friendships, family]. When I was younger, trusting someone was the easiest thing on the planet, and one day that I was stripped of that privelage. But over the past few years, I've learned that only by trusting someone can you truly experience a relationship. So I started to trust again. It wasn't easy. Not at all. I though though I had finally succeeded in fully trusting the people around me. And just as I was starting to believe that, all the powers in the world combined and proved me wrong.

The pain I felt when that happened was unbelievable. The pain, the anger, the humiliation. It took me days to even absorb that something like this had happened. To think that someone I considered a close friend could do such a thing. Once I had come to terms with it and thought nothing worse could happen, it did. And THIS was the worst thing that could have happened. I was shocked. Someone I had trusted with every little detail of my life, counted on for so long and for so many things, someone so close to my heart. How could you? You're supposed to protect me just like you protected me from so many other things. Things that I really didn't need protecting from. This, THIS I needed you to protect me. And what did you do? The complete opposite. I've never in my life felt so betrayed.

I've missed all my friends back in Melbourne. The routine of going back is now broken. Everytime I think of them it makes me tear a little. Most of all, I miss Aisha. We may not be able to find a solution to any of this but at least her presence would make me feel tons better.

But I have you, dont I? You're always there for me. Through this psychotic turn of events. When my mood swings go into full gear. You've always been there to hold me, to listen to me go on and on about how idiotic all of this is, how fucked up everything is. You care and love me like nothing I've ever felt before. You make me feel safe. Even when I'm mad at you, I crave you. Just to sit in your arms. To feel for a moment that everything is right in the world. That's what you do. Because I don't think I say it enough, I love you.

I've found a silver lining haven't I?