Because you're not here..

When I need you, you're not here. But it's not your fault. I know how much you want to be here. You know how much I need you here with me. I miss you so much its unbelievable. Because you're not here, this is the only way I can let it all out. There isn't anyone here who compares to you.

I've never felt so much pain. Honestly. But what did I expect right? I mean really, at the back of my mind, I knew it would end this way. So why am I still so upset? Why can't I stop crying? Why can't I think of anything else?

I thought I'd be ok, I thought I'd already prepared myself for this. So why is it so much worse? Maybe because finally it's officially over. Maybe because even the slightest hope is now gone. Maybe because I now realise that I've been lying to myself all this time. Allowing myself to believe things that really weren't there. Letting myself fall into that stupid well of hope. Telling myself that 'maybe one day...' when really one day never existed in the first place. But honestly, I don't know.

I need you here to tell me why this is all happening. I need you to sit and comfort me. I need you to just be that person I always turn to when anything happens. Simply, I just need you here with me. There are other people around, people who I'm thankful for. But they don't know me like you do. They aren't you.

Come back soon. Come back so I have you in my life again. Come back so in times like this I have you near. Come back so I have someone to cry with, someone to give me a hug, to lie down with me for hours doing nothing but taking in the comfort that you're next to me. But most importantly, come back so you can make me laugh and smile, bring back the me that you know. Because right now, I don't know where she is.

I miss you.