Having a 'kit kat'

Today it all starts, the mid-sem break. Not that great. Waiting for phone calls is frustrating and depressing. I want it to ring but I don't at the same time. Curiosity is willing it to ring, but dread boils up inside me at the news that the call may bring. All my things are packed ready to leave at any moment. Going to my aunt's soon and the waiting shall continue there.

Confusion

one more day and its mid-semester break. God knows some of us need this. but the joy is short-lived..assignments due soon after our return and not to forget the impending finals. those always make a break seem sooo fulfilling.

wat do we do when there are things in life we can't decide upon? if the ability to make decisions fail us? do we take the easy out? wat do we do in a situation where we have to be the bad guy even agaisnt our will?

we wait it out. isn't that the cowardly way? so am i mean to be the bad guy? i dont want to be that person. but it seems i have no choice. you've left me with no chice. don't you see this can't go anywhere. i love you always but this can't happen. not again. i can't let my heart be broken again. the promises you speak have almost no meaning to me. i've heard them before, and they've failed me before.

how do i fix this? i need to know...it can't go on like this forever

Soon soon...

two months to go. it may seem like ages away..but its reallyyy not! hehe. which is GOOD!
catching up recently with friends who are also going back at the same time. MISs them sooo much! especially one. u know who u are. we'll go prancing around before everyone else gets back! hehe

weather update - still no spring. if anything, gets colder by the day. as if we were back in july. seriously. today more rain.

last week we celebrated birthdays. it was a good week. planning and planning paid off. saw the smile, the glee. all worthwhile. HAPPY BIRTHDAY guys! it was a good week to lead into ramadan.
happy birthday miss quak!

RAMADAN KAREEM to everyone!

Hope you guys have an amazing month. I'm trying to be a better person, its been hard, family not here..times like these is when we realise how much we should cherish everything. May we all be blessed for the things we do this month, and forgiven for the sins we partake in.
Bateel dates - the one thing keeping me in touch with home...and they do it deliciously.

Things aren't as they're meant to be. Friendships this semester have strengthened, but at the same time, disappointments are always around. And so close. Can't do anything, and really don't have the will to. SOmetimes, we just need to let things be...this is one of those times.

An advanced birthday wish to my lil sis who turns 17 this year! don't grow up so fast k.

an update...

this has probably been the longest break so far.
wasnt too keen on getting back on this. but figured it could act as my little diary. let a little bit of stress out. so updates! am in melbourne now, studying nutrition and dietetics. wasn't my first choice, but its been quite good so far. the weather is EASING into spring although tonight, rain has decided to bestow itself upon us. i'm living at the halls of residence, ROBERTS HALL! its not too bad. not qutie what i imagined at first but have met quite amazing people who've helped me through alot.

visited the family back in july. one month...not too long. but sufficient to help with my struggle here. i've settled in now. but at the beginning, i had alot of trouble just getting used to the whole idea of university. the first couple of weeks, the amount of pain i felt was like never before. it felt like someone was taking my heart and ripping it to shreds. the fact that i was completely alone didnt help. parry-love was close by but not enough to be comforted. i wanted someone just to hug and hold. that's also another thing that was hard, the people i made friends don't practice just comforting in their culture. and i too am part of that culture. but growing up internationally opens up your mind. i missed all my friend back home...just because when i cried i wanted someone to hug. but nothing.

talking to the parents didn't help too much. just hearing their voices..it pulled me back to the life that i'm used to. especially with my mum. we grew closer during the break that i had. it was the hardest to let go of her at the airport. i felt like i was abandoning her. this realisation hit a number of times when i was alone. what kind of a daughter am i? leaving my family behind? my mum? she would tell me that she's lonely. and i just felt like i left her. what if something happened? what was the alst thing i said to her? do i even remember?

the pain of being left behind by a loved one is hard, being that person who left crushes the heart..
i love you mum. and the rest of the family back in the desert!