May Wishes

So much has happened in the past few weeks. Good mostly. The couple weird/mind fuck moments. But other than that. GOOD :D

So we've got the month of May now. Bout halfway. First and foremost:
This time last year we'd just started talking after a month of MIA-ness. And we were closer then ever. But this day had to be spent with both of us on either side of the world. This year however, I got to sit in the sweltering heat in a dress, heat so hot I was sweating at the back of my knees. Not good sweating people. BAD sweating. But we all sucked it up. I got to spend the whole day and night with this special person. And the whole of the next day. In a KFC, his car, on highways, many many petrol stations and a water theme park! But it was all worth it. Because this day only comes around once in this boy/man's life. And this is day is the day he turns...wait for it...24! LOL. You've been there every step of the past year and a half we've known each other. Met in the most random of circumstances, fought, screamed, laughed - SHITLOADS -, shisha-ed, huggie-d, session-ed. We've done it all haven't we hun? This is all a week overdue, but in my defense I spent the first two days of the new year with you. SOOO...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBRAHIM JABER ISMAIL AL SAFFAR!!
(a.k.a E.B, Fling Poop, The FLAME, Sex Symbol)

Also, the rest of this month holds many many more important birthdays:
Aisyah
Bik Purah
Jagna (sorry I missed the dinner!)
Musa
Duncan (a.k.a my hot white chick! glad I got to at least spend last year with you in Perth)
Abg Etam
Abg Arf
Elaine
Tricia
So to all of you, HAPPY BIRTHDAY (belated & in advance)

P.S. Finally got to Dubai Mall today. Too big, too crowded, shitty carpark design, too branded, too confusing. X-ed for now. Or maybe just X-ed on Friday nights.

A little rant

So I'm sitting at my table praying and hoping my two little angels wont die. I've just changed most of their water, done all by the book. So now it's all just a waiting game. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is check on them. Every time I walk into my room I check on them. A little taste of what having my own children would be like?

But it's good. Taking care of them is taking my mind of other things that I've been fretting about the past month or so. Although I sleep fine, I still wake up with a thousand questions and thoughts in my mind. And it really feels like I haven't slept at all. Fear and worry have pretty much taken up as much space as they can find up there. I keep trying to push them out, I do. But to no avail. This then leads to frustration. And just when I think frustration is something I can live with, the sadness and reality seep back in. Back to square one.

I apologise to my friends who have been getting more and more frustrated with my disappearance and hermit-ness. But its the kind of situation where you really don't know who to ask help from or to seek comfort in. Those who already know are too far away to console and comfort. Sure, the internet helps but a hug from a friend can never be replaced. I'm not ignoring you guys. I'm just trying to figure things out and I know I should be reaching out to you, but I dont know how. For many reasons. I miss you guys to bits! I really do.

We always say that we'd rather know than not. And in this situation I would be DAMN pissed off if I didnt know, but at the same time having the knowledge of the inevitable hurts. Alot. They always say pain makes you stronger. Let's see how this works out then...

Hmm..

Back from the trip. Too lazy to upload pics. Also too tired. Barely slept last night, was taking care of the boyfie. Wasn't well. But we both knocked out about 4 am in the morning, only to be woken up a few hours later by the Ramizah. Anyway, someone sent me this site, and because of the boredom, laziness and fatigue, I decided to do it. Here are the results:

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Shall upload pictures when well rested. Might be about a week though, because I start work tomorrow. Funness.

Road Trip

So today, we're going on a roadtrip. The man and I are going with Ramizah's friends. A kinda belated birthday celebration for Anissa. To Umm Al Quwain. Staying overnight at a chalet. Really didn't think the parents would be ok with it, but they were convinced at the end. So yay! ROAD TRIP! It's about 10ish people. So it should be fun!! Nothing planned when we get there really, just to chill. I was quite surprised they asked me to come along, I thought Ramizah would've wanted time alone with her friends. But they're all cool, so I was quite happy to accept the invite. And it's a good thing this trip. Gets me away from all the craziness even if its just for a day. Lets me regroup my thoughts and simply enjoy a day and a night with the sister!

Post one when I get back.
xxx

A silver lining

Went to the beach today. With the family and Kak Rayne & co. Crap loads of fun. Went for a ride on the swings, haven't done that in a while. Today was probably the first chilled out day by the beach I've had. Made me quite happy.

The past few weeks, I've been going through abit of an emotional rollercoaster. I've learned alot even though the whole experience isn't something I'd like to repeat. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship with someone [not just the lovey kind, im talking about any kind of relationship - friendships, family]. When I was younger, trusting someone was the easiest thing on the planet, and one day that I was stripped of that privelage. But over the past few years, I've learned that only by trusting someone can you truly experience a relationship. So I started to trust again. It wasn't easy. Not at all. I though though I had finally succeeded in fully trusting the people around me. And just as I was starting to believe that, all the powers in the world combined and proved me wrong.

The pain I felt when that happened was unbelievable. The pain, the anger, the humiliation. It took me days to even absorb that something like this had happened. To think that someone I considered a close friend could do such a thing. Once I had come to terms with it and thought nothing worse could happen, it did. And THIS was the worst thing that could have happened. I was shocked. Someone I had trusted with every little detail of my life, counted on for so long and for so many things, someone so close to my heart. How could you? You're supposed to protect me just like you protected me from so many other things. Things that I really didn't need protecting from. This, THIS I needed you to protect me. And what did you do? The complete opposite. I've never in my life felt so betrayed.

I've missed all my friends back in Melbourne. The routine of going back is now broken. Everytime I think of them it makes me tear a little. Most of all, I miss Aisha. We may not be able to find a solution to any of this but at least her presence would make me feel tons better.

But I have you, dont I? You're always there for me. Through this psychotic turn of events. When my mood swings go into full gear. You've always been there to hold me, to listen to me go on and on about how idiotic all of this is, how fucked up everything is. You care and love me like nothing I've ever felt before. You make me feel safe. Even when I'm mad at you, I crave you. Just to sit in your arms. To feel for a moment that everything is right in the world. That's what you do. Because I don't think I say it enough, I love you.

I've found a silver lining haven't I?