Grief

Last week was probably one of the worst i've had since returning to uni. You could say i brought it upon myself. But i had reached that point where i was simply tired...emotionally, mentally and physically. I knew that i had to do something about it. And with a little help from my person here, i did just that. I was warned it was going to hurt, i even knew it. I knew the answers that my questions would bring out, but knowing and hearing are two different things. I learnt one thing...no matter how much you prepare yourself, it's never what you expected.

I never expected any of this to happen, i didn't want this. All i wanted was to go home and bask in the comfort of being around people who knew me, inside and out. I don't regret the things that i've experienced, everything happens for a reason after all. But i do wish that everything would just solve itself now.

I really didn't go out looking for something to happen. It just did. That's how things are sometimes. You can't stop the feelings that suddenly flood in. Especially when you refuse to admit to having them and having others point it out to you first. I know that we're friends, and i'm glad we are, but it doesnt change the fact that you know i like you. Or the fact that you already know this. I don't know whether you realise what you say and what it may mean or if you're just teasing me. I blame myself more than I blame you, because at the end of the day, I can't force you to have the same feelings. But that doesn't mean you can't be upfront with me...the answers you've always given are all so vague. You tell other people something different to what you tell me.

You know what hurts even more? The fact that you can even think that the things that i've done or said have all come from the part of me that likes you. Remember one thing, i'm your friend first and foremost. All the things that we've talked, laughed, taken the piss out of are all from the part of me thats your friend. And you can't even approach any of this seriously. The one intense conversation we had scared me because for once you weren't joking or forcing humour into the convo.

I don't know how long it will take for us to be ok. I need to cut you out, thats the only way i can get over this. You didn't want anything to change, but don't you see that's easier for you? I put my heart out on the line and you just laughed it off. I love you as my friend, but i just need my space now.

We learnt yesterday that tears have a certain chemical in them, it's absorbed and acts as a sedative. At least i know that i'll get some sleep from that.

Last weeks in dxb..

The last few weeks that I spent in Dubai were those which I will remember forever. I've told many people already, but this was probably my best ever summer(winter?) holiday. The things I experienced in the past 2 months cannot be compared to anything else. The good, the bad, the best and the worst. The memories I'll have of this winter will stay with me forever.

First off, lets start with the family.
I loved spending all that time with the family. Ayah took a week off work the week I was leaving which meant sooo much to me. Couldn't really believe that he did that. I spent so much time with him and my mum. My sisters were around here and there, and I got to chill with them as well. Having to repack my suitcase was NOT the best thing in the world. I left that to the very last day. Packed everything within an hour or so. We also celebrated Kak Diah's b'day together, for the first time in about 7 years. It was GORRGEOUS!!!

The b'day girl with parents....

3R's...reunited again
Aisha –
like always, even 3 months wasn't enough. We spent my last weekend in dxb with a nice girls Valentine’s night…cha, me, sil, nur, azza & fareeha. Spent the night at her place and did our tradition of 3am manakeesh, except this time sil came along and we RAN back. And oh, that night had so many memories…the observing, the over-mentioning of certain people. But we all had a good laugh. I’ve also reaslised that when I go back next, she may not be there. I can’t bear that thought. Since we were young, we made plans…to go to uni together, get married together and our children will be besties. But reality sinks in and we know that sometimes the things we plan isn’t exactly how life turns out. Cha, good luck for exams!!! Rock them beb!!

Valentine's with the girls - free, me, sil, aisha, azza & nur Us + Kak Diah's leg - at Chocolate Factory Us on CNY dinner
The then-new-now-close friends –
I met some new people last winter…under some very strange circumstances. We were all pretty much thrown together, and yet the chemistry was just there. I clicked with one the girls especially…she’s become someone who I trust and can always count on to be there when I need her, even when I’m halfway across the world. She’s become closer than I would’ve ever imagined. The only guy that usually comes out with us girlies also became an amazing friend. Even halfway across the world from them, they still ask me for advice as if I were still back home.

Pictures say a thousand words…so enjoy…

My last night - e.b, sil & i

V'day - Sil n I

Sil, Israa, Rahma & E.b.

Irna, Aisha & I - our yearly reunion!

Shal, Noonie & I - Chandelier on Marina Walk

Last night - azza, aisha, minhoo, tony, me & fareeha

First month of the year...

HAPPY NEW YEARS all...
Once again, this update is well overdued! I have been excessively busy. I dont actually know with what. Things just keeping me busy...friends, family.

Lets start with December 2007: -

Most people were back by then which was VERY NICE! Met up with a few friends who I havent seen since graduation. Had a bad experience at Chandelier but now we have all learnt our lessons. Spent alot of time with Duncan coz he's only back for a very short time. Went to the beach at ngiht ALOT! Now he's gone back to Perth and I miss him SOOO much! Dunc, u better be hauling your ass back here by the end of this month!

Memorable moment of the last month of the year: meeting those amazing people with whom I am now good friends. We went on a mission to set up 2 friends. Our mutual friend set up a time for us all to meet each other. We went to Shu, had some dinner, some shisha..then headed off to the beach for a little chillout sesh. For the next couple of weeks, we literally went out every other day. Introduced to some VERY nice shisha places...CITYPORTT!!! They're all amazing people, my new friends. On one of nights out, a couple of my high school friends came along. One of them was quite shocked to realise that we'd all only known each other for 5 days. It really doesnt seem like that. I feel like I've known them for a VERY long time. We all get along very well masha'allah! They're all very chilled out. Cowkies and I are also learning alot more about the culture and the ways of the people..mostly the guys..of the country that we've basically grown up in.



Cowkies n i went off to RAK for a part beaching trip. Dads had a golf game, so we went with my mummy and Mak Biah to explore. Found the beach... VERYYY nice! but damn effin cold! so dint actually get to tan. BUT did get some piccies..Also, had a bbq with fam at home and a steamboat dinner. Went to the x-games with nooners, my hot white chick and co.

*Cowkies n i - RAK beach*

*nooners n i*

*at football match - rams, naim, afiqah, cowkies n i*

January is on its way....

so far...

Here's the update so far...
Still totally jetlagged, and on Melbourne time. I've been sleeping at 9pm and waking up at 5 or 6. Not the greatest thing in the world. Yesterday I managed to stay up until 12midnight. GO ME! Got back. Didnt sleep till the nighttime..trying to force my body into adjusting..obviously didn't work. Went to surprise Cowkies (she thought I was only getting back in two weeks), she basically jumped on me and was screaming her head off. Hehe. It's nice to know I was missed and am still loved.

The next couple of days..just chilled with the rents.

Yesterday, went to MOE to watch a movie with N and W. N had to leave, so W and I stayed back and talked. We still couldn't believe that we were sitting across from each other and within touching distance. Talked and had coffee for 2 hours or so. Then dropped me off at home. It was sooo AMAZING seeing N and W. Missed them!!!

THis morning, took a walk along the beach with mum. SO nice to see the beach again. So blue and clear. Walked by the water..sooo cooling when I got splashed. Can't wait to chill there properly. Drove home and planted a few of the plants we bought...to put on the balcony. Now its all pimped out. LOL.

Plan for today: May go and have a chillout sesh with Cowkies if not will go chill with rents outside somewhere.

OVer and out.

Home....

The time has finally come..I arrived back in Dubai today at 5:30am. After a gruelling 14 hours on a plane and a 2 hour layover...the plane landed and my excitement climaxed. It hadn't really sunk in that I was returning home after so long..but once I saw the lights, it was hard not to squeal with happiness (that might've gotten a number of reactions from the people around me).

Reached my parents and literally jumped them. It was amazing to see them again. Got home. Jumped on my sisters while they were sleeping. Thank god no one got a heart attack. Went for breakfast and now sitting waiting for dinner...to surprise a special person who got a little pissed yesterday night especially after hearing I was only going to be back in two weeks. Oh, the love.

The last couple of days at uni were amazing but sad too. After the first one left, they started dropping like flies; with the last having the most effect on me. To that certain someone: though it was short, it was the best. You reminded me of my life before uni, of my friends, of the closeness between friends that I was used to but was deprived of at uni. Thank you for giving me the best months of the end of my first year. I'll miss you.

The last night I spent with a group of people at uni turned out to be quite amazing. Was very happy at the end of the night. For those leaving us this sem: - I'll miss you. For the rest of you: - here's to a great 2008!!

Brett, Alya n I

Mike n I

Dean and I